So, at work this week, I arrived at a meeting early. I'm often the only person in the meeting without kids, but this particular meeting, I seemed to be the only one without high-school-aged kids. The discussion of choice was teaching them to drive, and one woman said "I hate driving with my daughter. It was never like this with my son. I think boys are just more natural drivers." And another woman immediately agreed, based on her experiences with her own kids.
This was a couple of days ago, and I still haven't figured out what the hell I could have said. I felt like saying that I was a terrible driver, and I'm still not a comfortable one, but I feel like that's agreeing with them, because I was a girl at the time (not that this group necessarily knows that). I felt like saying that if boys are better drivers, why are their insurance rates higher? I felt like saying that drawing a conclusion about genders based on your two children is completely ridiculous.
What I did was sit there silently and be uncomfortable, and I noticed that the (one) other man in the room didn't say anything either. When women express sexist stereotypes, how can we help?
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About Me
- Dan4th
- ex-activist, ex-pagan, ex-vegetarian, ex-female, post-queer blogging addict. B.S. in theatre, studying for Master's in Psych. Day job in research administration.
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9 comments:
if boys are better drivers, why are their insurance rates higher?
Boys are notoriously bad drivers, statistically. That's why. I think calling people on it is a good thing. OTOH I think that it has to be a situation where...hmm... it won't affect you later in a bad way. Work is a tricky place.
It's harder to confront women with their sexism the same way it's harder for a white person to call a black person on racist shit, even if it's extreme to a comical degree. Don't worry, the more women aren't seen as oppressed minorities the less that will be true.
It's frustratingly slow but society does change. It sucks to be ahead of it, but then the people behind it are eventually mocked as well :)
hrafn
2010-01-28 07:46 pm UTC
Offer anecdotal counterexamples? Assuming you have them :\
I'd also be happy to hear someone bring up insurance rates or "two anecdotes is not enough," which is something I very often want to say myself when people use a single personal example of something to reinforce their belief in some stupid stereotype.
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dan4th
Isn't another anecdote just doing the same thing?
Actually, it's difficult to say what constitutes a bad driver here. While it's true that teen guys have higher insurance rates, I seem to recall that this is largely because they are less risk averse and therefore more likely to get into accidents. This is independent of the technical skill of driving (which, admittedly, most people are quite inclined to over-estimate). So while they are "bad drivers" in the sense they are more likely to get into an accident, they might actually be, in the aggregate, more adept as the mechanics of driving a car.
That being said, call those hussies out! Women can say sexist things just as easily as men can. The only subtlety I can see is with things like in-group reclamation of hate words, but even these points are not universally agreed upon. I've heard many a same-sexual reject the self-use of words like faggot...
Of course, one has to always be careful with how to call people out, especially at work. Here's an anecdotal counterexample: my sister is, and has been, an excellent driver. Go Pam!
hrafn
2010-01-28 11:17 pm UTC
Yes, but if the goal is to try and show some counterexamples, it might be more useful than a general statement about anecdotes != data. And I figure for people who are already reasoning from anecdotes, they might be more likely to reconsider if they are provided with similar anecdotes. Because I don't think the people in your example would really listen to an argument like, "Perhaps that is because you treat your daughters differently than your sons, blah blah socialization."
Wow, it's hard to think of a good response. I'd be saying something in my head along the lines of, "With you and much of society reinforcing stupid sexist stereotypes like that, is it any wonder you're seeing this difference in your kids?" But I wouldn't say that out loud.
Maybe, "I think that's actually a stereotype that's been reinforced by our society, which can make it harder for people to overcome. But I'd be surprised if there were scientific evidence for sex differences of the sort your proposing being anything other than culturally reinforced. I'd be interested to hear about it if you know of such evidence." That's a total mouthful and I'd be unlikely to say that, either -- but it's all stuff I'd theoretically be comfortable saying (and that I think a guy could say equally well in that situation).
Males, particularly boys, have less inhibition then females and this can be seen in driving. Speaking generally (not specifically as the women at your meeting were) boys develop their frontal lobe later on than girls. This is the neurological site for inhibition, boys may be "better" drivers due to the fact that they're not as scared of the dangers new drivers face. http://www.neuroskills.com/tbi/bfrontal.shtml an article talking about the functions of the frontal lobe.
While as mikehill said, boys may be better at the mechanics of driving (my brother did seem to naturally understand how to drive a car, he didn't have to acquire the skills, he just knew) they are not better drivers all around, thus the insurance rates.
My response: Ya, I agree that boys are better at the mechanics of driving, but overall I don't think it's a fair statement to say that they are carte blanche "better" drivers given they are more likely to get in accidents" though this alludes to a view that women are better drivers. Tricky situation! There are some facts for you though to help you out next time!
A recent pedestrian safety study in NYC found that "in 80 percent of city accidents that resulted in a pedestrian’s death or serious injury, a male driver was behind the wheel."
80%!
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/17/nyregion/17walk.html
Just a thought-
If teenage girls are generally less confident and more sensitive to approval-relevant stimuli, driving with your mother could be a recipe for a downward-spiral driving trip. One grimace, you get nervous, your performance declines, another grimace, you get more nervous, performance declines further...etc.
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